Why Being Nice Won’t Prepare Your Child for Career Success

Most parents want their children to grow up kind, well-liked, and cooperative. And those qualities are important, but when it comes to thriving in the workplace, research shows they aren’t enough.

Stanford Professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, a leading expert on power and influence, argues that career success depends far more on results and influence than on popularity. The good news? Parents can start cultivating these skills in their children today.

Productivity Above Popularity

Children should understand early that being reliable and delivering results earns respect. In school, this might look like:

• Finishing assignments on time
• Following through on commitments
• Going beyond expectations when working on group projects

Kindness counts—but it’s consistency, responsibility, and excellence that build trust and open doors.

Building Strategic Relationships

Not all friendships are created equal in the workplace, or in school. Teach kids to recognize and nurture relationships with mentors, teachers, coaches, and peers who share their drive.

Encourage them to:

• Show appreciation to those who guide them
• Seek constructive feedback
• Support group leaders or team captains

Learning how to connect with people who can guide and champion them is a vital career skill.

Stress Management and Proactive Problem-Solving

The kids who stand out aren’t the ones who avoid problems. They’re the ones who calmly solve them.

Parents can model and reinforce this by:

• Praising children for offering solutions instead of just pointing out problems
• Role-playing how to handle disagreements or setbacks
• Encouraging them to stay calm and positive under stress

A child who can reduce friction and help groups succeed will always be valued.

Confidence, Authenticity, and Smart Risk-Taking

Career-ready kids don’t just fit in, they stand out. Encourage your child to respectfully challenge the status quo, share original ideas, and develop their own “brand” of confidence.

That might mean:

• Introducing a new idea for a school club
• Trying out for a role or team even when unsure
• Learning to say “no” when values are at stake

Teaching kids that individuality and initiative (tempered with respect) builds influence prepares them for the real world.

What Parents Can Do at Home

• Value work quality: Celebrate effort, reliability, and progress—not just popularity.
• Promote strategic networking: Encourage kids to identify mentors, teachers, or coaches who inspire them and practice respectful connection.
• Normalize healthy disagreement: Show that respectful dissent is a path to improvement, not conflict.
• Model ethical assertiveness: Share stories where standing up—kindly but firmly—led to positive change.

The Bottom Line

Raising career-ready kids isn’t about teaching them to be liked by everyone. It’s about teaching them to deliver results, build meaningful relationships, manage challenges, and embrace their individuality.

Every child—whether academically gifted, artistically talented, or simply hardworking—can thrive in the workplace if parents nurture these practical, influence-building skills early on.